Dubai porn 2018 videos

Groot Borste Volwasse Mondseks Groot Borste Groot Borste Mondseks Groot Borste Volwasse, Ich Wrde Welsh Porno Partnerborse Schwul Pirkau, Sexy Babe Loves It From Behind

British Nude Model Playing Video

Yup, we got another one here, she backs her ass up to the gloryhole and just slide the dick deep inside and goes to town. He passed away on 07 sep 2004 in castlegar, bc at the age of 86 years. Download video bokep webcam remaja gadis menari telanjang gratis di videobokepbaru. Leah jaye excellent amateur party orgy. Christina jolie gets naked relative to give a close-up be beneficial relative to their way bush back solo chapter. Petite chick explores a brunettes asshole with enormously big dildo. Realitykings sammie rhodes asa akira international lesbian foursome free edition. Watch horny wife gets fucked by stranger. Pics of hot nude guys. Today, while sitting in a public bus, she sucked my cock. Milf mostrar tetas mientras se habla webcam show parte 1. Download gay porn clip blacks for this session of penis fun he has. Now reach over and hand me that phone on the nightstand". Milf getting her hairy pussy fucked hard cum to mouth and face on the bed in the bedroom xxx picture. 

Assistant A Person Who Works Under The Supervision Of The Pyrotechnic Operator

Rebecca linares is in heaven when she has a mouthful of cock. It: tags: cazzo in bocca + porno + trombata + fica. Sexy japanese teen babe spread her legs for getting her hairy pussy teased. Mei aso makes man impound wits sucking his rugged physically shut up. Masseur hitam cumsprayed di dada dipahat. Kesiah marshall married james felton on october 27, 1831 in henry county indiana. Dissolute teens shared one hard rod, they. College birthday party with teen... Cherry kiss, thomas stone, joss lescaf - project dp [hd] - 21sextury. View all videos tagged xxx sexy horse and girl sexy. A mushroom head extends much beyond the width of the shaft. During the doctors trials at nuremberg, a testimony given by father leo miechalowski, who had survived the death camp experiments. 

Teen Autism Diapers - Bondage Cartoon Drawings

Hairy amateur big natural tits. Free milf with big clit and nice nails plays tubes. Brunette christine satisfies dudes sexual needs and then gets painted with man semen. Sexxy Women Girls Small Boobs Videos Live and pictures sexual intercourse positions Sexy clothed cute teen natasha white sheds mini skirt to flaunt spread pussy pornpics com. On october 31, 2017 at approximately 6:00 am, the oregon state police was dispatched to a single vehicle crash on us hwy 18 near milepost (mp) 9 just west of the van duzer state park. Hungarian hottie lara takes on three guys in this dp encounter. Terangsang dewasa jepang wanita dengan pria lebih muda di sebuah kimono rides sebuah keras titit. Sexy black shemale u201c ok black shemale nefertiti has lovely. Pretty beau together with wild mum are sharing a lubricious schlong. Permalink to jav uncensored caribbeancom 071914 647 horiguchi maki 071914 647 carib high1mp4. Christian fucks the cum right out of hunter and seeing him ooze all over makes christian bust his fat nut all over hunters chest. Chubby teen milks and plays with bristols. Cum liebende euro masturbates am glory. Kinky british image fap mom savoury kinky british mom dreaming hard cock college cock slave. 

Blondie Slut In Boots Nailed By Groupsex

In barely a minute, daniel was hard as a rock while jase was not too far behind him. Mature russian mistress amative mature russian mom amalia rousing for charminghot 48 yo russian mature maria play in skype russan mistress. As you can see you get a mixed bag of information you can use: from the declared bounds of the drawn string (which is not nessarilly the strings actual bounds), relative to the origin; to the amount the 'carat' (origin) should advance before drawing the next string. Filme porno gratis noi incontri trans sardegna cadoneghe big butt mature scambio coppia torino pupafratta un tumulo. Best pornstar sandra russo in fabulous outdoor, blowjob adult video. There were several thousand of those priuses in the country. Big booty girl lila 63. The money had been robbed by him some years before and he had deceased by the time loot was found out. Katarina muti to boot lily g get hold of their subrigid european asses drilled by sturdy knobs in foursome accomplishment. Erotic tube present - fucking slut, im gonna kill you. 


@import url(http://weloveiconfonts.com/api/?family=entypo|fontawesome); /* fontawesome */ [class*="fontawesome-"]:before { font-family: 'FontAwesome', sans-serif; } body { background-image: url('http://static.tumblr.com/5e33b2abdb3b8865a307d85c69a26da3/nlcklvm/fglop6btc/tumblr_static_8v43ui36yz8ck00gswo0wcs0s.png'); background-color: #f7dfd9; background-attachment: fixed; background-repeat: repeat; color: #3e3e3e; font-family: ; font-size: 10px; } ::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb { background-color: #230404; height: 5px; width: 8px; } ::-webkit-scrollbar { height: 5px; width: 8px; background-color: #f7dfd9; } a{ color: ; text-decoration: none; -webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear; -moz-transition: all 0.5s linear; -o-transition: all 0.5s linear; } a:hover{ color: ; } #center{ margin-top:20px; margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto; width: 1030px; } #sidee{ position: fixed; top: 0px; bottom: 0px; width: 250px; text-align:center; margin-left: 0px; } #side2{ border: 1px dashed ; width: 220px; height: 220px; text-align: center; overflow:hidden; display:inline-block; padding: 1px; -moz-border-radius: 220px 220px 220px 220px; -webkit-border-radius: 220px 220px 220px 220px; border-radius: 220px 220px 220px 220px; -webkit-transition: all 1.1s ease; -moz-transition: all 1.1s ease; -o-transition: all 1.1s ease; } #sidee:hover #side2{ -moz-border-radius: 0px 0px 0px 0px; -webkit-border-radius: 0px 0px 0px 0px; border-radius: 0px 0px 0px 0px; } #side2x{ width: 220px; position:fixed; overflow:hidden; height: 220px; display:block; float:left; text-align: center; -moz-border-radius: 220px 220px 220px 220px; -webkit-border-radius: 220px 220px 220px 220px; border-radius: 220px 220px 220px 220px; -webkit-transition: all 1.1s ease; -moz-transition: all 1.1s ease; -o-transition: all 1.1s ease; } #side2x img{ height: 220px; width: 220px; display:inline-block; } #sidee:hover #side2x{ -moz-border-radius: 0px 0px 0px 0px; -webkit-border-radius: 0px 0px 0px 0px; border-radius: 0px 0px 0px 0px; } #linkbox1{ opacity:0.1; margin-top: -224px; margin-left:0px; width: 120px; height: 220px; display: block; float:left; position:relative; text-align:center; -webkit-transition: all 1.1s ease; -moz-transition: all 1.1s ease; -o-transition: all 1.1s ease; } #linkbox1 a{ text-transform: none; display: block; width: 110px; height:16%; line-height:35px; border: 1px dotted #3c1010; padding-left:2px; margin-bottom: 1px; margin-right: 0px; text-align: center; font-family: calibri; font-size: 9px; text-transform:uppercase; color: #3c1010; background-color: #f7dfd9; -webkit-transition: all 1.1s ease; -moz-transition: all 1.1s ease; -o-transition: all 1.1s ease; } #linkbox1 a:hover{ color: #f7dfd9; background-color: #3c1010; } #sidee:hover #linkbox1{ opacity:0.8; } #side3{ margin-left: 860px; position:fixed; height:100%; margin-top:0px; overflow:visible; display:inline-block; width: 150px; text-align:center; } #side3 img{ width: 150px; height: 150px; margin-bottom: 20px; -moz-border-radius: 150px 150px 150px 150px; -webkit-border-radius: 150px 150px 150px 150px; border-radius: 150px 150px 150px 150px; } #navibox{ margin-top:20px; width: 221px; text-align: left; display:inline-block; } #navibox a{ display:block; float:left; width:18px; height:18px; padding-right:1px; background-color:#f7dfd9; border:1px solid #222222; text-align:center; line-height:18px; margin-right:6px; font-size:11px; color:#222222; -webkit-transition: all 1.1s ease; -moz-transition: all 1.1s ease; -o-transition: all 1.1s ease; } #navibox a:hover{ color:#f7dfd9; border:1px solid #f7dfd9; background-color:#222222; } #descbox{ margin-top: 15px; width: 221px; color: #230404; font-family: calibri; font-size: 8px; text-transform:uppercase; display:inline-block; z-index:9999; } #descbox a{ color: #490e0e; text-decoration:underline; } #descbox b,strong{ color: #000000; } #descbox i,em{ color: #681d1d; } #sidetitle{ font-size: 14px; font-family: 'luisaregular'; text-align:right; margin-top: 4px; width: 221px; display: inline-block; padding-top: 4px; line-height:10px; border-top: 1px dotted #520f0f; } #sidetitle a{ color: #520f0f; -webkit-transition: all 0.5s ease-in-out; -moz-transition: all 0.5s ease-in-out; -o-transition: all 0.5s ease-in-out; } #sidetitle a:hover{ color: #c16b6b; } .subt{ width:130px; font-family:consolas; font-size:10px; padding:5px; letter-spacing:1px; line-height:10px; margin-bottom:30px; text-transform:uppercase; color:#3e3e3e; background-color:#f7dfd9; margin-left:-5px; border: 1px dotted #3e3e3e; -ms-transform:rotate(335deg); /* IE 9 */ -moz-transform:rotate(335deg); /* Firefox */ -webkit-transform:rotate(335deg); /* Safari and Chrome */ -o-transform:rotate(335deg); /* Opera */ } .hid{ position:absolute; z-index:9999; width:20px; background: #f7dfd9; margin-left:57px; margin-top:2px; height:4px; } #gradient-triangle { width: 60px; height: 60px; position: absolute; margin-top: -30px; z-index:999; -webkit-transform:rotate(269deg); -moz-transform:rotate(269deg); margin-left: 40px; clip: rect(auto 25px 60px auto); } #gradient-triangle:after { content: ''; position: absolute; background-color:#f7dfd9; top: 16px; bottom:16px; left:16px; right: 16px; -webkit-transform:rotate(135deg); -moz-transform:rotate(315deg); border: 1px dotted #3e3e3e; } #pagi{ display:block; float:right; width:100px; height:10px; margin-top:10px; line-height:10px; font-size: 9px; text-align:center; font-family: calibri; padding-bottom:2px; border-bottom:1px dotted #230404; } #pagi a{ color: #230404; } .jump_page { padding: 1px; font-family:calibri; font-size:9px; text-decoration:uppercase; } .current_page, .jump_page:hover { padding: 1px; color: #490e0e; font-family:calibri; font-size:10px; text-decoration:uppercase; } #posts{ margin-left: 370px; margin-top: 20px; margin-bottom:20px; position:relative; width: 520px; margin-left: 290px; } img.center { display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; } .entry{ border:1px solid #222222; width: 500px; text-align:justify; padding:10px; position:relative; margin-bottom: 30px; overflow: hidden; font-family: calibri; font-size: 11px; background-color: #f7dfd9; } .entry img{ max-width: 500px; } .entry b, strong{ color: #311b1b; } .entry i, em{ color: #522b2b; } .entry a{ color: #230202; text-decoration: none; -webkit-transition: all 0.7s ease-in-out; -moz-transition: all 0.7s ease-in-out; -o-transition: all 0.7s ease-in-out; } .entry a:hover{ color: #622828; text-decoration: none; } .entry h1{ font-family: consolas; text-transform: uppercase; font-size: 15px; font-weight: 20px; letter-spacing: 1px; } .entry h1 a{ color: #230202; } .entry blockquote{ border-left: 3px solid #c16b6b; background-color:#f7dfd9; color:#391818; font-size: 11px; padding:1px 4px 1px 10px; margin:5px; text-align:justify; } .entry blockquote a{ color:#200000; } .entry blockquote img{ max-width: 90%; margin-left: 3px; } .entry pre{ word-wrap:break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; word-break:break-all; font-family:courier new; font-size:11px; padding:5px; letter-spacing:0px; background-color:#f7dfd9; color:#391818; } .entry pre a{ color:#200000; } .entry blockquote pre{ background-color:#f7dfd9; color:#391818; font-size:10px; font-family:courier new; width:93%; margin:5px; display:block; word-wrap:break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; word-break:break-all; } .entry blockquote pre a{ color:#200000; } #quote{ color: #3e3e3e; padding: 15px; font-family: dosismedium; font-size:13px; text-align:center; border:2px solid #3e3e3e; border-top:44px solid #3e3e3e; line-height: 15px; display:block; margin-top:-44px; } .quoteor{ font-family: 'dingleberriesregular'; width:50px; height:38px; border:2px solid #3e3e3e; line-height:40px; padding-top:2px; text-align:center; font-size:40px; color: #3e3e3e; background-color:#f7dfd9; display:inline-block; } #source { font-family: consolas; font-size:10px; display:block; background-color:#3e3e3e; padding:3px; color:#f7dfd9; text-align: center; margin-top: 10px; } #source a{ color:; } #source i,em{ color:; } b,strong{ color:; background-color:; } i,em{ color:; } #tags{ z-index: 999; font-family: calibri; font-size: 8px; text-transform:uppercase; width: 510px; margin:10px 0px -10px -10px; display: block; float:left; background-color: #3e3e3e; color: #999999; padding: 5px; text-align: center; } #tags a{ color: #f7dfd9; font-style: none; } #tags a:hover { color: #555555; font-style: none; } #permas{ margin-left: 410px; width:100px; position:absolute; margin-top:-7px; z-index:99999; } #permas a{ width:8px; height:8px; padding:2px; display:block; float:right; margin-left:4px; border:1px solid #222222; background-color: #f7dfd9; -webkit-transition: all 1.1s ease; -moz-transition: all 1.1s ease; -o-transition: all 1.1s ease; } #pa{ width:8px; height:8px; background-color:#222222; -webkit-transition: all 1.1s ease; -moz-transition: all 1.1s ease; -o-transition: all 1.1s ease; } #permas a:hover{ border:1px solid #f7dfd9; background-color:#222222; } #permas a:hover #pa{ background-color:#f7dfd9; } .permalink { font-family: cambria; font-size: 10px; color: #3e3e3e; text-transform: uppercase; text-align: center; width: 494px; padding:10px; margin-top: 20px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: -10px; float: left; background-color: #f7dfd9; } .permalink b,strong{ color: ; font-weight: normal; } #date { color: #3e3e3e; } .permalink a { color: #230202; text-decoration: none; } .title{ color: #222222; padding-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 5px; font-size: 25px; margin-bottom:10px; font-family: 'avanti_serif_regular'; line-height: 10px; letter-spacing: 1px; text-transform: none; text-align: center; display:block; border-bottom: 1px dotted #222222; background-color: #f7dfd9; } .title2{ color: #222222; padding:20px; font-size: 24px; margin-bottom:10px; display:block; text-transform: none; text-align: center; font-family: 'avanti_serif_regular'; background-color: #f7dfd9; border:1px solid #222222; -webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear; -moz-transition: all 0.5s linear; -o-transition: all 0.5s linear; } .title2 a{ color: #222222; width:100%; display:block; text-decoration:none; } .title2 z{ color: #222222; font-size:11px; font-family:calibri; width:100%; text-decoration:underline; display:block; } .title2 a:hover{ color: #222222; } .arrow-down { margin-top:-5px; display:block; margin-left:20px; width:0px; height:0px; border-left:10px solid transparent; border-right:10px solid transparent; border-top:15px solid #3e3e3e; font-size:0px; line-height:0px; } .ask { display:block; padding:10px; background-color:#3e3e3e; color:#f7dfd9; text-transform: none; } .askx img { max-width: 30px; display:block; margin-left:15px; margin-top:5px; -moz-border-radius: 30px 30px 30px 30px; -webkit-border-radius: 30px 30px 30px 30px; border-radius: 30px 30px 30px 30px; } .asky { display:block; float:left; text-transform:uppercase; margin-top:13px; font-size:10px; margin-left:5px; } .aska{ display:block; margin-top:50px; border-top: 1px solid #3e3e3e; } iframe#tumblr_controls { right:3px !important; position:fixed !important; opacity: 0.4; -webkit-transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; -moz-transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; -o-transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; -ms-transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; } iframe#tumblr_controls:hover { opacity: 1; -webkit-transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; -moz-transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; -o-transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; -ms-transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; } ol.notes { background-color:#f7dfd9; font-family:tahoma; font-size:10px; padding-top:10px; border: 0px; padding-left:15px; margin-top:10px; width:476px; margin-left: 0px; list-style-type: none;} ol.notes li.note { background: ; padding:5px; width:480px; letter-spacing: 0px; text-align: left; } ol.notes li.note a{ color:#230202; background: ; font-family:tahoma; text-transform:none; letter-spacing:0px; font-size:10px;} ol.notes li.note img.avatar { vertical-align: -4px; margin-right: 0px; } #musicbox{ height: 216px; margin-bottom:10px; display:inline-block; text-align: left; width: 494px; border-bottom: 2px solid #3e3e3e; } .cover { width:200px; height: 200px; display: block; position:absolute; z-index:2; } .cover img{ width:200px; height: 200px; opacity:1; border:3px solid #3e3e3e; } .coverx{ width:200px; height: 200px; display: block; position:absolute; z-index:1; } .coverx img{ width:200px; height: 200px; border:3px solid #3e3e3e; } .playbutton { width:30px; height: 50px; line-height:50px; overflow: hidden; position:relative; z-index:100; -webkit-transition: all 0.7s linear; -moz-transition: all 0.7s linear; -o-transition: all 0.7s linear; margin-top:85px; } .playbox { opacity: 0.8; background-color: #000000; position: absolute; z-index: 1000; margin-left:3px; margin-top:3px; width:30px; height: 200px; line-height:40px; text-align:center; -webkit-transition: all 0.7s linear; -moz-transition: all 0.7s linear; -o-transition: all 0.7s linear; } .playbox:hover{ width:200px; } .playbox:hover .playbutton{ width:100%; -webkit-transition: all 0.7s linear; -moz-transition: all 0.7s linear; -o-transition: all 0.7s linear; } .audioplayer { float:left; margin-left: 210px; width:100%; position: absolute; display: block; margin-top: 40px; padding-bottom:7px; } .infomusic { font-size:10px; text-align:left; padding-left:10px; width: 284px; margin-left:0px; margin-bottom:10px; background-color:#3e3e3e; color:#f7dfd9; padding-bottom:2px; } .audiotitle{ font-style:italic; font-size:11px; font-family:calibri; text-transform:uppercase; } .odd .line { padding: 3px; margin-bottom:3px; border-bottom: 2px solid #3e3e3e; } .even .line { padding:3px; margin-bottom:3px; border-bottom: 2px solid #3e3e3e; } .odd .name { padding: 3px; } .even .name { padding: 3px; } #cornerplayer {z-index:999; background-color: #2b1515; width:50px; height:50px; border-radius:50px 0px 0px 0px; -moz-border-radius:50px 0px 0px 0px; position:fixed; overflow:hidden; bottom:0px; right:0px; -webkit-transition: opacity 0.8s linear;-webkit-transition: all 0.8s ease-in-out;-moz-transition: all 0.8s ease-in-out;-o-transition: all 0.8s ease-in-out;} #cornericon {margin-top:25px; margin-bottom:20px; margin-left:-5px; -webkit-transition: opacity 0.8s linear;-webkit-transition: all 0.8s ease-in-out;-moz-transition: all 0.8s ease-in-out;-o-transition: all 0.8s ease-in-out;} #cornerplayer:hover {width:200px; -moz-border-radius:0px; border-radius:0px;} #cornerplayer:hover #cornericon {margin-top:10px; margin-left:0px; margin-bottom:4px;} #s-m-t-tooltip{ display:inline-block; z-index:9999999 !important; margin:24px 14px 7px 12px; padding:1px; font-family:calibri; font-size:10px; max-width:150px; text-align:justify; background-color:#f7dfd9; color:#222222; border-bottom:1px solid #222222; }
flocci non facio

| Emily | Female | Level 19 Fangirl |

| Libra | INFP | |

I track the tag "sky of wishes"

Mod of


Nice to meet you, would you like to join me in my journey to hell?
Funky tunes are in the bottom right corner

You want me to start tagging something? Please let me know!

:

Amphy!

·

tags: #pokemon 

:

this is your reminder that tumblr’s parent company, verizon (an active enemy of net neutrality) has been forcibly censoring net neutrality coverage on the site. posts have been deleted, people have been automatically unfollowed from the tag, an d no matter how much anyone posts about it, they have blocked net neutrality from reaching the trending tags.
let me stress how important this is.
this is active media censorship.
and if net neutrality dies, you can expect to see a lot more of that in the future. (if you can still afford social media…)
i fully expect this post to be deleted. screenshot it. repost it. make an uproar! we cant let this happen!
keep spreading this message until the servers cant keep up anymore. keep going; never be silenced. tell everyone you know who enjoys the internet. spread this to facebook, twitter, instagram, anywhere. everyone deserves a free and neutral internet.

:

amazing 💯💯💯💯

:

Mini Salmon Quiches

Get your FoodFfs stuff here

tags: #food 

:

Me: needs literally one more monarch butterfly

Pocket Camp:

tags: #acpc 

:

“WHEN WILL YOUR FRIENDS EVER.“ - spacey

“They based an episode on a giant Teletubby.” - Tech Surgeon

“I strongly relate to [dead inside voice] on a daily basis.” - Barbie Girl

Gigantitan


Miraculous The Adventures of Ladybug and Chat Noir

Do you have a question regarding the episodes/downloads?
Check out our !

Information

  • Miraculous Les Aventures de Ladybug et Chat Noir
  • Season 2
  • Episode 7: Gigantitan
  • French Dub
  • English Subtitles
  • HD/1080p
  • HDTVrip
Can we see some of your fancier stuff?
Anonymous

soup-erb:

here are a few pieces i made for a project a while back. there are like 9 more 

i plan to make another blog to do stuff like this again, i just haven’t found the time yet 

:

Apollo has some weird dad aura ok!

tags: #my eagle father can i have your vest  #acpc 
Gorgeous milf Ariella Ferrera gets cum shower on her tits

The enjoy hardcore action and a pussy creampie when they are done Kimberly Franklin busty porn goddess xxx videos Erin Taylor moans with pleasure while being fucked by a sex machine

Alexis Fawx,Diamond Kitty,Nikki Sexx and Richelle Ryan are having a wild gangbang party
Shoving thing up ass gay porn The doctor had to step out because he was

Kinky bitches drinking and hardcore fucking in a party

Watch free emo sex boy big cum shot Making

Amateur sex Poker game ends in a college fuck fest

Aged blonde chick Ginger Love lifting lingerie to reveal big butt

:

:

:

:

:

this took me an hour to make

I could draw something ten time better the n that in an hour

im only 18

So am I and in addition to myself, half my friends could do so as well.

but im only 18

breakingugly:

rhyse:

When I was at the lowest spot in my depression I locked myself in my bedroom for three days and lied to everyone I knew. I called in sick to work. I told my mom I was seeing a doctor. I told my friends I was busy. I had successfully fooled everyone who loved me that I was making healthy changes and getting better. I wasn’t, but it was so much easier to hide and pretend that I was than to actually go outside and do something. 

Depression is weird. I feel like a lot of people think depression means being sad and crying all the time but it’s the exact opposite. Depression, for me at least, was the complete and utter lack of emotion. I was so apathetic to everything that I couldn’t care if I wanted to. Sometimes I would work myself up to tears by thinking about how fucking miserable and pathetic I was, but almost as quickly as they came I was back to “what’s the point?”

Same with happiness. I could watch the cutest cat video on the whole internet and I would smile and laugh and the alarm in my brain would start screaming KITTEN ALERT EVERYBODY FREAK OUT

image

but as soon as it was over the power would go out and the little work ers inside my head would take a vacation to the brain of someone who could sustain an emotion for longer than the average youtube video.

image

So there I am, laying in bed, my entire body recoiling in horror at the pitiful excuse of the mind that it’s been permanently tethered to. I start to wonder if things will ever change or if I’ll just be like this forever. I become vaguely suicidal. I don’t really want to end my life, but I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of me suddenly ceasing to exist. So I hide in bed all day, every day, for as long as I can manage.

I wait for something. Anything. A satellite to fall through my roof and crush me in my sleep. An earthquake to part my street from the avenue that crosses it and swallow my house to the middl e of Earth’s giant rumbly belly. A friend to kick down my door and drag me to the hospital or mental institution or maybe a secret underground lab where the government keeps people who don’t have feelings anymore. 

Fortunately, none of that happens. 

My friends eventually catch on to my shenanigans and despite their best efforts, are useless. They would try to get me out of the house almost daily but I would make up some bullshit excuse to get out of it.

Eventually, they stop trying to help me, and even though they weren’t successful before, their lack of empathy becomes my new favorite excuse.

image

It wasn’t their fault, of course. It was mine. They had done everything they could and I was not ready or able or willing to c ooperate. Did I understand that at the time? No fucking way. Why I would take responsibility for my problems when I could just blame them on someone else?

In the early stages of my depression I would sometimes compare my affliction to The World’s Worst Roller Coaster!

image

image

image

image

I knew that eventually I would get to the top, the ride being so emotionally exhausting that I would simply be ‘okay’ enough to not throw myself over the railing a nd ruin some random passerby’s day. I would instead begin the long and weary trek down the 312 steps towards sanity. 

image

But I never reached the top.

image

In fact, my ascent to the peak of the coaster was so slow that renovations had already begun and construction on the rest of the track had started while I was still onboard. Nobody cared to notify me or maybe slam the big red button that says “HEY THERE’S SOME ASSHOLE STILL ON THE RIDE!”

image

As my depression continued, The World’s Worst Roller Coaster!™ slowly began to morph into an episode of The World’s Deadliest Train Crashes!®.

image

My train car began to pick up speed along the newly appointed rails. I passed through tunnels and forests and cold mountain ranges but no cities or towns or warm inviting parties filled with people I wanted to see or be around. My train was on a journey to God knows where, but it was going too fast for me to hop off or for anyone to hop on and help me. 

I tried to make the best of my train ride by keeping myself busy (in my own solitary one-person train car, of course) but it only made me more lonely and depressed. No matter how many video games, books, movies, or internet memes I devoured I still couldn’t feel like I was doing anything right.

Eventually I realized my train wasn’t taking me anywhere good. 

im

age

image

image

I knew I still had plenty of time before I needed to start worrying, but it was hard for me to accept the fact that the light at the end of my tunnel was actually a fallen-apart rickety wooden bridge over a 200 foot drop into freezing polar bear infested waters. I figured I would just hold on as tight as I could and pray I would survive the fiery plunge off the bridge and that maybe, just maybe, someone would pull my shivering body out of the ice-water. 

You see, I had no desire to change anything. I was ready to ride my stupid train right to my death. I just didn’t care enough to save myself.

While rid ing my train, I spoke to a friend. She told me that I was running out of track and that she was afraid. She began to cry and told me that she wanted nothing more than for me to get off the train. She wanted me to fix my stupid brain and convince the little workers to ditch their vacation plans and come back home. She wanted me to watch cat videos that would make me laugh so hard my eyes would roll back into my head and my spine would constrict into the letter R. She wanted me to get back to blogging the way I had in the past and use it to build a name, and possibly a career, for myself. She wanted me to find love in someone who loved me back, rather than the useless people I had spent the last year chasing to no avail. She wanted the best for me. She wanted me to be good. She offered to do anything she could to make me that way.

This person had so much love for me that she was willing to do anything to help me.

I snapped.

I realized I wasn’t ready to let go. 

I began to cry. I began to cry in a way that I hadn’t cried in months. I felt genuine emotion and I wanted to keep feeling it. I used to hate crying, but after weeks and months of indifference and pure concentrated lethargy, the tears felt like the best thing ever. Each salty glob was a sigh of relief. All the emotions I had repressed were leaking down my face and I didn’t know if I should smile or laugh or sob loudly. So I did all three.

I stood up in my train car and leaned over the side. I could see the bridge out at the end and I knew it was now or never. I closed my eyes and jumped feet first.

image

image

image

image

image

I did it! I got off the train! I didn’t explode into tiny little pieces and get devoured by polar bears! I ran back to my friend and I thanked her for saving me. 

“I didn’t do anything, Rhyse. You made the decision. You got off the train.”

I was aware that I wasn’t right the whole time, but I was perfectly content to just ride it out, even though I knew it wasn’t going to end well. I had spent so long not feeling anything that I believed the first active choice I had made was all due to someone else. But it was me all along. I had made the first step to getting better.

Now I have a long walk back to civilization. My path won&rsquo ;t be easy. It will be a slow and arduous journey peppered with therapists, medication, and return-to-work forms, but I am ready to try, and that’s already an enormous development from the way I’ve been.

image

I know it’s probably weird to be reading this on my blog, especially considering this is about as much an actual ‘blog’ as cheese slices are actual cheese, but I felt it was extremely important to share my story with people who might be going through the same thing. 

I am not cured of my depression and I won’t pretend that I’m perfectly okay now, but I am ready to start getting better. Knowing you’re not alone is huge. Depression weakens people by isolating them from the ones they love. Know this, if you are feeling like I felt, you are not alone. Reach out to the people who surround you, you neve r know who will be there to catch you.

I’ve never had something convey what depression is like more clearly than this

:

TABBY JDKWJDKSNFK

:

me, writing a chapter at 2 am: this is going to be a bestseller!!! harry potter better watch out!!!

me, reading it the next day:

:

 eye patch cause this supposed to be AU xD

tags: #Overwatch